As a balding man who has bitten the bullet and gone for the full cue ball look, I take pains to distance myself from far right sympathisers lest I am branded ‘Fascist National Front Scum’. That being the case I have had to pass on writing a review for The Queen Is Dead as one cannot browse a social network these days without finding Morrissey aligning himself with groups who are so far to the right that they’re wrong.
If I hated the album then it would be an easier pitfall to sidestep, but unfortunately I don’t. I could not be seen to be praising in particular the satirically skew-whiff lyrical style of the man known simply as Morrissey (notice how all fascists come to be known simply by one name; Franco, Hitler, Mussolini), nor could I admit that he is the constant that binds the often disparate musical styles together to make them all undeniably and recognisably works by The Smiths.
So instead I asked a pupil at a local primary school to knock something together using their still untainted brain. This brain had the added advantage of being hidden under a scruffy mop of untamed hair which gave the child the resemblance of, if anything, a liberal hipster yet to grow a beard or develop a taste for quinoa, let alone the ability to correct others on their pronunciation of it. I enclose herewith said review:
I like these songs because the man who is singing has a funny voice he reminds me of my daddy when he stubs his toe and tryes not two swear in front of me. I like the music as well but I like the singing better. I think the music wood be more betterer if it had a hip-hop beat because I like hip-hop. My favorite rapping is Will Smith’s raps. I think Will Smith would like this not very much cos he likes hip hop beats like I do. I think this would be a good album to rekimend to people what like Coldplay because they would like the chance to be more happyer and dance a bit as well. My mom likes Coldplay but she says she doesn’t like this because the singing man is depressing but she has got bad hearing anyway because she works at the airport on the runway waving those flags at the big planes and their very noisy. I would listen to this album again yes if someone put it on and i was in the room I woodnt walk out. I like how it is quite diffrent when one song ends and the next one comes on. I don’t like the picture on the front tho cos it is boring.